So being home alone with Tav I have been spending alot of time cleaning my house and talking to new friends, old friends and family online. So much is going on in life for my friends, family and me that its hard to keep track of it all but one thing is for sure "Why does some one get jealous of another?"
Jesse and I have two people in our life that are going through a hard time right now. One is having issues with there love life and will be single again. The other one is looking back at there life wishing they had done the things they wanted to do but made the choice to have a family instead. However out of the two of them they are jealous of me.
The one who is having issues is jealous because I got a loving, wonderful husband and a handsome little boy. The other one is jealous of me because I did not get married to my husband till I was 27 and just started having my family at the age of 28. Funny thing is I am jealous of them too.
The one who is having issues is about to get there single life back and I miss mine. So I am jealous of the fact that she can come and go as she pleases but I would not trade my husband or son for anything. As for the other one who is jealous of how long I waited to have my family, I am jealous of them because they started at a young age because it was easy for them to find the one they were ment for.
I did not by choice wait to get married and start my family. I just waited for some one who would love me for me and I love them the same. That is why I got married at 27 and I always wanted a baby but wanted to be married so I waited till I was married for a baby. Which I did not expect for us to get pregnant so soon. I figured it would take some time. Boy was I wrong but I love my boys alot and I am blessed to have them.
So what if I can not come and go as I please any more. I got to guys who love me alot. One who made the choice and the other I brought in to this crazy world. So I am glad that I had to wait till later in life for my family because I got some one who really cares about me. Even if I get the feeling like he doesn't at times, he still does love me. It's all part of life but one thing I have learned in the past few days is that we all get jealous over some one for some reason or another.
The key to it is to remember what you got and who loves you. That and who is what matters most. Jealousy just grows too big if you sit and let it. It can be a good thing but only if you don't let it take control of your life. It helps to keep a spark of love in your life because it helps your special some one know that you care a great deal about them. However if you just sit and let it grow you get jealous of every one and every thing and that is not healthy. But I am just glad I can be jealous a little and let it go.
I will let go of the fact that I am jealous of these two because one is free to do as they please and the other one is set in there family. I maybe jealous of things about them but I am very happy with what I got!! Thats what matters most being happy with what I got and who I am.
Which I am still trying to figure out who I am now a days. I mean between my husband, son and the Marine Corp I have no time for me any more. Or so it seems. Since my husband has been deployed I have been able to clean the house and do somethings that I use to do before Tav came along. So I have been finding a little of me and I hope that soon I will know the new me.
Thats all I am doing is growing and changing. Something we all do every day. We are all learning something new and changing. It's not always a drastic change but there is a change every day of our lives. Well I think I have gone on enough with my thoughts for today. Until the next time...Later people!!
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Friday, October 17, 2008
Home alone with Tav
So Jesse left for a deployment to the Phillipines shortly after my birthday. Tav and I have been home for a few weeks by our self. So far so good, I guess. Tav is a happy easy going baby, which is good but as for me...I miss Jesse alot. It's lonely with him gone. I have Tav to talk to but he only coo's back. I miss hearing another voice in this house.
It's strange to me but this deployment is hitting me harder then when he was deployed to Iraq and his last deployment just before Tav was born. I think it is because we have a family now. Before it was just me and I could leave the house easily but now I have to think about Tav before I leave to go any where. I can remember just getting out of the house at all kinds of hours and hanging out with friends. Not so much when I was pregnant because all I wanted to do was sleep but even now I can only sleep when Tav sleeps. If I do want to go any where I have to think about the time and where I am going to make sure that Tav is awake and it's some place he can go.
Tonight we left the house at around 8:30 pm to go to the pharmacy at the hospital because I forgot to pick up Tav's refill of infant tylonal. So spelled that wrong. Any way it was close to his just after his bed time but he did not want to sleep just yet. Well it was nice to get out of this boring house and do that. Granted it was a quick drive there and a quick drive back but I kinda took the longer way home by driving past our road and truning at the next light. It helped to put the boy to sleep. That and the baby lulaby (again the spelling) CD that my mom got us which I have in the car for when he is crying and it's hard to tend to him right away. It always puts him to sleep. Which was nice because he went from his carseat to bed when we got home. I was smart and had put him in his PJs before we left so that if he did fall asleep he was all ready for bed.
But any way WE (Jesse and I) are still adjusting to parenthood and well I know I miss some things about when it was just the two of us but I love our son. I miss the fact that we could do what ever when ever but at the same time I am glad that we gave it up because we have such a beautiful loving baby boy. Tav is the only reason why I still have a HUGE smile on my face. If that little guy was not around my smile would not be so big.
It seems like he is always doing something new. Like this week after his 4 month appointment I started him out on rice cereal. The first feeding I waited way too long to feed him even though I knew he was getting hungry. See he eats about every 4 hours some times its less then that but most of the time its around 4 hours from his last feeding. Any way when I did try to feed him the cereal he cried and cried and cried. I tried to record it but with the way he was crying I don't think I will send it out to any one and besides it's on my newer laptop but something is wrong with my power cord. So I can not get to it any way.
However he is doing good on his feeding of rice cereal but I dont know if he likes the spoon that much. I just hope that some time this coming week we can try some veggies. The doctor and my mom told me to start with them and not fruit because of how sweet they are. Which I can understand that. So we will have to see how he does with the cereal and then move on from there. The only thing is I am the one that gets to have the food spit out on me and not daddy. By the time Jesse gets home Tav should be eatting veggies, I hope, and when he goes to feed Tav he will get a better reaction unless I have him feed Tav some new veggie or fruit. Which I just might so that Jesse knows what it feels like to get food spit at him...LOL...besides it would be funny to see:P !!
Any way that is how things are going here. So until the next night when I am bored out of my mind and Tav is sleeping...Good night every one. We love and miss you all!!!
It's strange to me but this deployment is hitting me harder then when he was deployed to Iraq and his last deployment just before Tav was born. I think it is because we have a family now. Before it was just me and I could leave the house easily but now I have to think about Tav before I leave to go any where. I can remember just getting out of the house at all kinds of hours and hanging out with friends. Not so much when I was pregnant because all I wanted to do was sleep but even now I can only sleep when Tav sleeps. If I do want to go any where I have to think about the time and where I am going to make sure that Tav is awake and it's some place he can go.
Tonight we left the house at around 8:30 pm to go to the pharmacy at the hospital because I forgot to pick up Tav's refill of infant tylonal. So spelled that wrong. Any way it was close to his just after his bed time but he did not want to sleep just yet. Well it was nice to get out of this boring house and do that. Granted it was a quick drive there and a quick drive back but I kinda took the longer way home by driving past our road and truning at the next light. It helped to put the boy to sleep. That and the baby lulaby (again the spelling) CD that my mom got us which I have in the car for when he is crying and it's hard to tend to him right away. It always puts him to sleep. Which was nice because he went from his carseat to bed when we got home. I was smart and had put him in his PJs before we left so that if he did fall asleep he was all ready for bed.
But any way WE (Jesse and I) are still adjusting to parenthood and well I know I miss some things about when it was just the two of us but I love our son. I miss the fact that we could do what ever when ever but at the same time I am glad that we gave it up because we have such a beautiful loving baby boy. Tav is the only reason why I still have a HUGE smile on my face. If that little guy was not around my smile would not be so big.
It seems like he is always doing something new. Like this week after his 4 month appointment I started him out on rice cereal. The first feeding I waited way too long to feed him even though I knew he was getting hungry. See he eats about every 4 hours some times its less then that but most of the time its around 4 hours from his last feeding. Any way when I did try to feed him the cereal he cried and cried and cried. I tried to record it but with the way he was crying I don't think I will send it out to any one and besides it's on my newer laptop but something is wrong with my power cord. So I can not get to it any way.
However he is doing good on his feeding of rice cereal but I dont know if he likes the spoon that much. I just hope that some time this coming week we can try some veggies. The doctor and my mom told me to start with them and not fruit because of how sweet they are. Which I can understand that. So we will have to see how he does with the cereal and then move on from there. The only thing is I am the one that gets to have the food spit out on me and not daddy. By the time Jesse gets home Tav should be eatting veggies, I hope, and when he goes to feed Tav he will get a better reaction unless I have him feed Tav some new veggie or fruit. Which I just might so that Jesse knows what it feels like to get food spit at him...LOL...besides it would be funny to see:P !!
Any way that is how things are going here. So until the next night when I am bored out of my mind and Tav is sleeping...Good night every one. We love and miss you all!!!
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