November is a sad month for me...

When ever Thanksgiving comes around I always get sad. It is one of the hardest holidays for me. It was 16 years ago on November 29, 1992 that I lost my Grandfater Wildes. I spent alot of time at my Grandparents house while my mother and father worked during the summer. In the winter time I was at school but during the summer mom needed some place for my brother, sister and I to stay at. Most of the time I was the only one who stated at our Grandparents house. My brother and sister were older and mom let them stay at home because the neighbors would keep an eye on them.

Any way I spent all my summers from the time I can remember up till the summer of 1990 with my Grandmother and Grandfather. My grandparents were the best. They had a little plastic swiming pool that every morning my Grandfater would take out and put it in the back yard near my Grandmothers garden. He would fill it with water so that it would warm up with the rising sun. Then after he was done with that he would head down to his work shop.

He would spend the whole day in his work shop from shortly after breakfest till lunch time and then he would head back down to his work shop after lunch till dinner time. While he was in his work shop he would be working on different things with wood. In 1985 my Grandfater made me a doll house out of wood. I still have it to this day. It is my little dream house. I was the first of all his Grandchildren to get a doll house from him. Not only did my Grandfather make a doll house for me but he had made a shelve for my sister and I when we lived in a trailer and had to share a room. That shelve held all of our dolls and all the stuff animals that I had. Every thing he made he did it with love.

I miss him so much that when the holiday season comes around it is hard on me. The first christmas after the passing of my Grandfather my Grandmother spent christmas with my family and she gave me a gift that not only brought tears to my eyes but also the rest of my family. I will never forget that christmas for the rest of my life. The gift my Grandmother gave me was a boxed shelve with doors that had hearts cut in to both doors and three on each. I had asked my Grandfather for one before he passed but he was not done with them. He wanted to close the back of shelve but he got too sick before he could finish it.

It does not bother me that it was never finished because it is one of the last few things that my Grandfather made before his lung cancer got the best of him. The hardest part was the last few months my Grandfather was alive. Every time I saw him you could tell just how sick he was. I try so hard not to remember those last few months because the man that I looked up to and loved so much was in such pain. The last few times that I saw him he had trouble walking, his breathing was more shallow and when we ate it took him longer to eat then the rest of us if he even ate at all.

But I try to remember the times when he had big old smile on his face. I try to remember the time that my dad got alot of lobster because of a truck that rolled over on the Maine Turnpike and had lost its load. We had so much lobster that my parents gave it away to alot of people because of freezer was full. I have one of the best pictures of my Grandfater with a nice boiled lobster and a great smile on his face. I would post it with this blog but it is back in the states with my parents in the box of photo's I have. When we get back and I find it in all that stuff I will get Jesse to scan it and post it with this blog so you can see the man I looked up to, love alot and miss like crazy.

I miss driving along the beach in Maine with my Grandparents just to look at the tide and see all the people. I miss going to the mall with them. During the trip to the mall Grandpa would sit and watch all the people walking around while my Grandma and I would go shoping. I even miss listening to my Grandma give my Grandpa a hard time. That man just let my Grandma say what ever. He was such a laid back guy. After he passed away it was hard for me to spend time at my Grandmothers house. Not having him there when I was there was hard. I feel bad that I did not spend that much time at my Grandmothers after my Grandfather passed but I think she understood. My brother stayed with my Grandmother from the time my Grandpa passed till Novmerber 1993 when he joined the Marine Corp.

Then shortly after that in the summer of 1994 my parents, sister and I all moved because of my fathers job. It was hard for my mom, Grandmother and I but my Grandmother told my dad to take the job in Ohio. She supported my parents and loved us alot. After we left my Grandmothers health started going down hill. She lived till August 28, 1997. That day was the day of my Grandfathers birthday and is the day my Grandmother passed on. So the two people that I looked up to the most and respected passed away before I ever graduated high school.

I had always dreamed of them being at all the important things in my life, Graduation from high school, graduation from college, getting married and the birth of there great grandchildren. Even though they have passed on I know that they are still here with me in my heart. I know that they saw my graduation from high school, me joining the Marine Corp, getting my AA degree, my wedding and the birth of Auctavine. I know that they will see him grow up and some times when I look at him I think I see my Grandfather smiling back at me.

I try so hard to remember the good times and keep my head high because that is how my Grandfather and Grandmother would want me to be. Only this year my head is hanging a little low because of the news about Jesse's Granddad. I pray that this Thanksgiving will not be like the one I had back in 1992. I hope and pray that Jesse's Granddad will get better but I know that with old age and every thing going on that may not happen but still I hope for the best because that is all I can do for now.