Ever since Auctavine was born I have started to hate the Marine Corp. Well the past week was the straw that broke the camels back and things just seem to be getting under my skin more. I can handle dealing with Orders and Directives that I think are unfair but when the Marine Corp comes between me and my family thats it.
My family is very important to me and they will always be. Now that I have my own little family that is where my responsiblity is. It is my husbands and my job as parents to make sure our son is taken care of no matter what. We are responsible for keeping a roof over his head, clothes on his back and food in his month. I know my parents always said something like that but I know roof, clothes and food were in it.
Any way deployments are hard on a person depending on where it is and if they are single or married. However no matter where one goes there is a way to call your loved ones. Some deployments are easier with talking to people back home where others are not. Take for example Iraq that is one place where your so busy and have different things going on that you might be able to talk to a love one every two or three weeks. Some times you go longer then that just depending on what you are doing. Then there are other deployments that are only a month or two long but you get to stay in hotels, have internet conection and phones. Those deployments make it easier to talk to loved ones.
Well one would think that it would be easier, however this deployment that is not the case. Some one decieded that the best punshiment for my husband would be to take away the hotel room except to shower once a day, the internet and phone. They also told my husband that they did not care what he had going on back here in Okinawa.
That to me is a shitty leader. That person is not looking out for my husband as a Marine. That there makes me want out really bad. I am no longer proud to say that I am a United States Marine. Which is funny because of all the things that have happened over here to give not just the Marine Corp a bad name but also the United States. I am more upset over the leadership.
That is where the problem is in the Marine Corp. People are too afraid to tell a Marine your not ready for the next rank. Instead they promot them up from the Lance Corporal rank to Corporal when they still act and preform as a Lance Corporal. Then while the are in the Non-Conmissioned officer ranks (Corporal and Sargent) they make there way to Staff Sargent and then Gunnery Sargent. From there they move up to Master Sargent or First Sargent. By the time they reach Master Sargent or First Sargent they have learned how to be a good leader and Marine. Well at least you would think that but its not always true.
Some people don't know how to be a leader becasue they let other things get in the way of there judgment. Things like friendship and there personal feeling about the lesser ranking Marine. The Marine Corp is a job but for some it is there life. This is all they know and will ever know because they are scared to get out. I am not scared to get out. I know that our economy is bad but I got a plan and a wonderful support group.
But enough about me back to the Marine Corp and how I wish I did not have the title U.S. Marine. The beging of the month my husband left for a deployment. Which is fine thats part of the job. Well where I am active duty I still have things that I need to do for the Marine Corp that take me away from Auctavine for 24 plus hours. Its called duty. Which I have no problem standing as long as my little boy is taken care of. So there is problem number one and I have duty three times this month. One of my duties I had some one to watch him over night but the next two coming up are in the air on who will watch him and I don't want some one I don't know watching him. It is like the Marine Corp does not care about a Marine's family.
That is so wrong because family for most Marine's is there motovation. I know mine is but lately when I get up I dont want to put on my camies and drop my son off with another person to watch him. I have to be at work at crazy hours and then some nights I wonder what time I will be able to get my son. It so does not help that I have a small case of post partum blues. So being home with Auctavine and no husband really makes me want out. That way I dont have to stress about finding a sitter to watch my child, who is my responsiblity over night. I so do not know how single moms do it. I am just not as strong as them, I guess.
Well that is how I feel with my husband deployed. But I am just trying to make it till the day I get out Febuary 19, 2010. I am going to try and ask to get out January 1, 2010 so that I can start school and finely finish my degree!! I would really like to be a teacher!! That would be more of a rewarding job then being a Marine.
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4 comments:
Oh Amy. Work sucks, no matter where you're at. I normally only work 24 hours a week - which is half of what i was doing at Vicky's. But even now, i still hate working. I love my job, hate work. I just want to stay home with my kids and have a chance to see Josh more. I'm one of those women who says screw the career-i just want to be a mom.
I worry that the Marines will send you both out for deployment at the same time. I've worried about that since Tav was born. But should that ever happen, please know he's got a place here if you'd like.
Back to school! I love it! It is so important to have a degree. Keep your chin up, it will either get better or all be over soon.
I am sad that you are having a hard time while Jesse is gone, and I know that the baby blues don't help. My advice is to make sure you talk it out, with a friend or in writing it on your blog. Things do get easier and I hope that will happen soon for you. Enjoy the moments you have with Tav, I think you already do, and let your thoughts of him carry you through. Good luck.
It's hard to hear that you cant spend as much time with your family as much as you want to! I am really sorry!! I cant even imagine to leave Brooke with somebody...
Just dont give up!!! It really gets better! And hopefully easier!
In all the years I spent in the military and being a military wife one very important thing I learned -- and it took me awhile to learn it --- is not to fight everything and be angry about it. It just makes things harder. You know you have to move so look forward to the change, you know you will be alone so develop some fun hobbies, you know you will have to pull duty, so accept that and line up sitters, you know he won't be home when he says so line up a sitter, so what if a friend has to bring you and your new baby home from the hospital -- just go with it, etc. You can't change the military and there is no point in breaking yourself trying to. Find the joy in your situation and laugh at the bad. Someone else always has it worse - help them. Once you learn this it gets easier --- hope it doesn't take you as long to come to terms with this as it did me. You are stronger than you realize, you'll be ok, Tav will be ok, Jesse will be ok, and the Marine Corp will go on. It will get better. Love ya.... Moot
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